


As I See Them

by Astro_Boi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Can be platonic or romantic, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Men Crying, Not Canon Compliant, Scars, Suicidal Thoughts, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 03:02:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astro_Boi/pseuds/Astro_Boi
Summary: Sam deals with the fallout of Castiel’s death and it’s repercussions on Dean.Not canon compliant. Outside of any episode of the show, based on that tumblr post where Dean has Castiel’s wings burned into his chest after Castiel’s death.





	As I See Them

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii!!   
> Um okay so I’m very nervous to post this as I have written anything in over a year and I’ve never written anything for Supernatural but I’m kinda getting back into it and I came across this tumblr post and it just really struck me so I wrote all of this in about two hours and I’m so sorry if the characters are completely OOC but I hope you like it!!

No one ever mentioned it. You didn't, if you knew what was good for you. 

There weren't many universal laws out there, but the ones that existed shouldn't be broken: Don't touch the car, Don't touch Sam Winchester and Don't talk about Dean's scars. 

Of course, people talked anyway, but no one had been brave enough to ever mention anything in the presence of either brother, not unless they had a death wish, and even then the fear that those two boys brought with them kept even the stupidest of mouths closed. 

Bright red and aggravated. The scars never faded, regardless of how much time passed, the imprints of strong wings burned across the entirity of Dean's upper torso, the delicate feathers stretching around Dean's bicep to intersect with the handprint seared on his shoulder. Dean had always worn layers of clothing, a bad habit picked up from having to be ready to go at a moment's notice, and the scars had done nothing but worsen the issue , the man rarely ever being found topless. 

Sam had seen the scars on a few rare occasions, never for more than a few minutes, just long enough to see his brother gently press his fingers to the puckered skin, hissing in pain, before Dean realized he was there and was quick to either pull on a shirt or to slam the door in Sam's face. Sam's tried to bring it up before but Dean won't even entertain the conversation, shutting up and not speaking for hours afterward, a hard expression etched on his face 

It was a routine hunt, a milk run, when it happened. A group of demons had been causing trouble in a small town and admist all the end-of-the-world scenarios they'd been dealing with lately, this seemed like a good way to simply blow off a little steam. There had been more demons than they'd thought, than they'd anticipated and it wasn't long before they began to feel overwhelmed. Sam had been fighting off two demons simultaneously when he heard Cas' gruff   
"Dean!,"   
and watched as his brother was thrown clean across the barn, his back and head colliding violently with the metal siding where collapsed in a crumpled heap, unconscious. 

As Sam refocused on his fight, he heard Cas efforts double in his attempts to kill the demons that had ganged upon him. Sam finished off the demons he'd been fighting and heard Cas doing the same before rushing over where Dean was still laying, dropping his angel blade as he attempted to wake him. Dean grunted, trying to push himself up on his palms to sit back as the same wall the he had been thrown against. 

“Son of a bitch,” Sam heard him grumble and Sam huffed under his breath in amusement as he began to check throughout the rest of the barn, making sure there wasn't anything they had missed. He could hear Dean and Cas speaking quietly in the distance probably going through their normal routine of overprotective angel and stubborn hunter. Sam had been on the other side of the room when he heard Dean cry out,   
"Cas!" and whipped around just in time to see a bloody demon plunge Cas' angel blade deep in his back; he watched as Castiel reared away from the demon impaling him. Sam ran towards them as Cas’ eyes and mouth began to flicker with the white-blue light and Dean's expression filled with horror and anger, swiftly puling himself to his feet and stabbing his blade all the way to the hilt into the demon who's eyes began to flicker sickly yellow and red before flickering out and collapsing. Sam reached them as Dean removed the angel blade from Cas and pulled the angel into his lap, propping his upper torso against Dean's chest, trying to both support him and apply pressure to the wound. 

"Cas! Cas!" Dean's voice was distraught as he clutched Cas to him. Sam kneels beside the pair when he reaches them, his eyes flickering up and down Cas’ prone form at a loss at what to do, his distress clearly written on his face. He can see the tears swelling in Dean's eyes, a few of them beginning to trail down his face. Cas flinches, his whole face pinched in pain, grunting as he turns his head to look at Dean. "Dean.." his voice breathy as he trails off.  
"Cas," Dean says, his voice breaking as he said the angel's name, pulling him closer. The glow from within Castiel is beginning to burn brighter and as Sam turns away and shields his eyes as the room filled with bright white, he hears Cas say,

"Close your eyes, Dean." 

They never stayed long in places anyway, but ever since then, they hadn't stayed anywher longer than it took to solve the case. Dean would sleep for hours or would disapear to God knows where. He didn't respond in more than one word answers to Sam's texts and he didn't pcik up Bobby's phone calls so it was up to Sam to keep the older hunter in the loop. In the Impala, the brothers either sat in silents for hours or Dean blasted the music so loud that Sam had no way of even thinking of beginning a conversation. Dean drank more heavily and his eyes were in a peretual red rimmed state, drak blue smudged permanently underneath them. 

They had just finished their most recent hunt, both sitting in their Motel room as Sam methodically stitched up a cut to Dean's side that would have been awkward for the man to do himself, Sam knew that was the only reason that Dean was tolerating sitting here, completely exposed. Sam was sneaking peaks anytime he thought his brother wasn't watching and he had nearly finished when he spoke,  
"Jesus, Dean do these always look so irritated?"   
he asked, reaching out one hand to touch the raised skin on Dean's chest. Dean's other hand shot out and grabbed Sam's wrist his grip tightening, white knuckled, to keep Sam from making contact with his skin.  
"Don't touch them." Dean rasped, his voice rough with disuse, but still forceful and threatening Sam looked up at his brother, astonishment and frustration written on his face,   
“Dean, you have to talk about this, you can't just bottle it up forever."  
Dean didn't say anything as Sam reassumed his stitching looping it through and pulling it taut before tying it off.   
"I mean... It's not good for you, Dean, I know how much you cared for him."   
"Sam, stop talking." Dean replied as he walked away.   
"Dean you have to talk about this."   
"No, I don't Sammy."  
"You do, Dean, I can see how keeping this inside you is killing you."  
"So what?"  
"So what?! Dean you can't keep doing this to yourself, what good comes from this? What would Casti-"   
“Shut up!" Dean bellowed, "Don't ever say that name, don't you ever say that name!"   
“Dean..." Sam trailed off, flinching back from the anger that he saw in Dean's eyes.   
"Don't ever say that.."   
Sam watched both the anger and the fight drain from Dean and Sam just barely caught him as his knees buckled.   
"Don't, Sammy, don't,” Dean whispered under his breath as tears began to track down his cheeks, his hands clutching at Sam's shirt as he began to cry in earnest, and Sam felt the tears drip and begin to soak into his ,shirt and he stared down at the wings forever burnt onto his brother who sat curled up in Sam's lap, his entire body racked with silent sobs.   
Sam held his brother and as tears sprung to his head slowly running down his face as Same pressed his cheek to the top of Dean's head and closed his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there we go! I really hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it was so sad! Please feel free to drop a comment telling me what you thought, I’ll try to my best to respond and thank you for reading my story!


End file.
